Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Who am I?

I think we all wonder who we are at some point in time. I have even been asked if I personally know who I am. My answer to that is yes. I know who I am.

So who am I?
I am Olivia Jeannette Vidal born in December 1974 in a West Covina hospital to a beautiful mother whom I talk to almost everyday and a father I almost never speak of.

I am a daughter. I am a daughter who gets mad at her mother for trying to take care of her. I am a daughter looking at her mother wishing I could be half the mother she is. I am the daughter to a man who loves me; blood or not. I am a daughter who drove my parents to the brink of insanity rebelling against all I was taught. I am the daughter who was secretly happy when I wasn't allowed to date certain boys even when I protested. I am a daddy's girl. I am a mommy's girl.

I am a mother. I am a mother of a handsome young man who will be 16 in March. I am a mother who was scared the moment she discovered she was pregnant. I am the mother who made mistakes along the way. I am the mother who stayed at the hospital 3 days while her child was admitted for severe mono. I am the mother who cheered her son on at the football games. I am proud he is who he is no matter what I do. I am disappointed he can't see why I hate his room a mess. I am sad he won't need me in a couple years as he ventures off to be the man I raised.

I am a wife. I am a wife to a man I didn't want to date. I am the wife to a man who let me love on my terms. I am a wife to a man who showed me I can be loved unconditionally and I can love back in the same manner. I am a wife is gets frustrated when her husband doesn't wash clothes the way I think they should be. I am the wife of a man who won't argue when I need a good argument. I am a wife who is thrilled her husband understands her disgust for wet and dirty hands therefore taking on the dishes even after a long day. I am the wife of a man who is proud to watch her husband enjoy his passions. I am the proud wife of a full-time college student. I am the wife who loves her husband dearly.

I am a sister. I am the sister to 2 younger brothers. I am the proud sister of 2 men with their own wives and children and thrilled all my tormenting as kids didn't harm them. I am the sister who beat up her brothers as children. I am the sister who cried at their weddings looking on proudly. I am a sister to 2 women who have joined our family the last few years.

I am an aunt. I am the aunt of a beautiful little girl and soon to be aunt for the 2nd and 3rd time within the next 6 months. I am the aunt to 3 children I never thought I could love as much as the child I gave birth to.

I am a godmother to an unborn child that almost brings tears to my eyes thinking how honored I am to take part in the growth of another human being.

I am the friend who wants you to be happy, wants to hear how your kids are doing, about your date last night, brings the ice cream when you are sad, and expects all the same in return.

I am the business owner who takes pride in the fact she is allowed to do something great with her knowledge and learning experiences. I am the business owner who fumbles from time to time on a gamble that didn't work. I am the business owner how is not ashamed of the success and making that success known. I am the business owner who will take a pay cut just to bring in something new.

I am a woman. I like to look good, feel good. I am selfish, giving, sensitive, aggressive, crazy, shy, outgoing, unsure, confident, mean, kind, intelligent, ignorant, well educated, under educated. I want to be desired, admired, appreciated. Some days I want to be ignored while other days I want to be the center of attention. I am misunderstood, miscalculated, underestimated. I am not the thinnest, tallest, most beautiful. One moment I am serious as can be and the next as immature as a 2 yr old.

I am an animal lover who can't bare to let her dogs sleep in the dog house on a cold winter night. I am the animal lover who lets her dogs sleep in her bed and lay on the couch. I am the pet lover who cries when her loved pet dies. I am the pet lover who wants to dress up her dogs for no reason.

I like happy meal toys, pens, shoes, Disney, cooking, crafting, cleaning, being lazy, taking pictures, taking a walk, shopping, taking part in charities, texting, online games, watching chick flicks, doing what others would never dream I would do. What I like today may not be what I like tomorrow. I can and will change my mind often.

I don't strive to be someone else. I strive to be a better me. Who I was 10 yrs ago is not who I am today. In 10 years I will not be the same as I am currently.

If I want to have breast implants tomorrow that doesn't mean I think less of myself. I don't need to explain it. If you don't understand it, don't try to. I diet to look better, color my hair to brighten my face, wear makeup so I don't scare the children, wear uncomfortable shoes because they look great on my feet, carry a cute purse because it matches my outfit.

I don't need to make excuses for who I am. I don't make excuses for why I am ever changing. I like that. I am who I am and I love that about me.

I know who I am. Maybe I don't always like what I see. The beautiful thing about that is I can change anything I want at anytime. I have that power because I never doubt that I can.

So next time someone asks me if I know who I am I proudly state yes I do. Maybe I can never fully explain who I am as I am different to different people. Maybe I will never understand why I am who I am but I am who I am regardless

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